I dreaded every meeting with her.
Time slowed to an excruciating pace and my well-paying part-time job didn’t seem at all worth it
during those two agonizing hours each week.
I was an English tutor for second language learners. It was my junior year of college and I was
grateful to have landed a coveted on-campus jobs that I could pop into between classes and
earn double minimum wage. The gig was more or less just talking with another student for one
hour, twice a week, to help improve their English. Each week we focused on a different language
landmine: pronouns, verb conjugation, word order, plurals.
Overall, I loved my job! I enjoyed getting to meet peers outside of my major who called another
country home. It was fun getting to learn about different cultures while encouraging new
friends on their road to English mastery.
But one student, was not my joy. Her name was Ritsuko.
She was at least fifteen years my
senior and one of the coldest women I had ever met.
Not shy. Cold.She would sit across from me at the lacquered language lab table, answer my questions in the
shortest way possible, and never crack a smile.
At first I thought maybe she was just nervous. So I turned up the warmth from my side of the
conversation to try to make her more comfortable. That only made it worse.
Even after months of meeting together, I knew very little about Ritsuko, other than she was
from Japan, came to the U.S. for her husband’s job, and that she had finished all her
engineering coursework three semesters back but couldn’t get her degree until she passed
the university required WPE (Writing Proficiency Exam).
She met with me because she had to.
I desperately wanted to help Ritsuko improve her English (and fast) for her sake, and mine.But she didn’t make it easy.
By Christmas break I had given up on small talk and trying to build any semblance of a friendly
rapport. She was a stick-to-the-program kind of gal so I ditched the chitchat and got right
down to business.
One afternoon halfway through the spring semester, I let a simple, “So what did you do this
weekend?” accidentally slip out (a question I routinely asked my other Monday students.)
Shockingly, Ritsuko answered me.
“I went to the mall,” she said.
I was so taken aback that she actually responded, I felt compelled to attempt a light
conversation.
“Oh, that must have been fun,” I said.
“No,” she replied. “Shopping American stores too hard.”
“Really? Why is that?” I asked, expecting her to say something about the loud music,
long lines, or crowded dressing rooms.
But instead she said, “Sales people too friendly. They don’t leave me alone to look
what I want.”
What?! I thought.
And thus ensued an enlightening, engaging conversation about how from her cultural
perspective, a salesperson asking if she needed help finding something was not seen
as good customer service, but rather an infringement on personal space.
Ritsuko told me how off putting it was when strangers smile at her on the street.
How
she doesn’t understand why people are friendly to you when they’re not your friend.
She shared how life in Japan is more private, reserved. You earn respect and trust
in relationships—you don’t just give it away.
I shared back how in the U.S. general friendliness is welcomed, warm, polite. How a
smile is a sign of acknowledgement; offering help is a gesture of respect.
We went back and forth discussing societal norms and how different cultural
perspectives influence how we interpret our surroundings and interactions.
As the conversation continued, Ritsuko wore a widening smirk.
I finally had to know what was behind her curious expression.
“What is it?” I asked.She paused. Thought. Then said:
“Well, you most friendly American of all. I not know why. You not selling me anything.
You not passing me on street. So why big smile and so nice all the time?”
This, of course, made me smile all the more, which made me all the more embarrassed,
while at the same time completely perplexed. I thought I had quit the friendliness months
ago. I thought I wasn’t exuding any usual warmth.
As I searched my mind for an appropriate explanation, the Spirit stepped in and stirred
my heart with the most accurate answer.
It wasn’t
me
she was seeing—it was
Christ
in me.
I measured my words, aware of the other tutors and students around us, aware of the
highly secular university we sat in, aware of the truth-challenge thrumming in my chest:
I was young and not used to talking about faith with people who didn’t share my same beliefs.
I took a deep breath, Ritsuko’s dark almond eyes never leaving mine.
“If you think I am happier, more friendly than other Americans you meet, it’s not because I’m
just really nice. I smile because I know a person named Jesus. He is God’s Son. He loves me
and I love Him. His love in me allows me to love other people.”
Ritsuko was intrigued. She wanted to know more.
And thus God opened the door to one of the most surprising friendships of
my life.
From that day forth I shared my faith with Ritsuko in bits and pieces. I told her about church on
Sundays when she now asked about my weekend. We pressed forward in our English lessons
with a new ease and fresh fervor, both working hard to prepare for her final attempt at the
WPE and last chance to earn the degree waiting for her without having to complete more
remedial language coursework.
I now looked forward to my time with Ritsuko each week. But no day was as blessed as the
one when I got to read the Word with her.
Our session was winding up and I felt that heart-racing, semi-frantic feeling that I had learned
to recognize as God asking me to do something outside the edges of my comfort zone.
“You’re my last meeting for the day and I don’t have class right now,” I said as casually as I could.
“So I was wondering if you’d like to keep talking for a bit and hear more about what it means to
know Jesus?”
She looked at me. Nodded.
We relocated to a shady bench near the north campus traffic circle. I clumsily rifled through my
backpack to retrieve The Book from where it was wedged between textbooks. Cars with crazy
college students whizzed by, desperate to find a golden metered spot and dash to class.
I honestly didn’t even know what I was going to share with Ritsuko or where to start. So I just
opened to where I had been reading in John 15.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear
much fruit; apart form me you can do nothing.”
I read the words out loud and I nervously tried to explain the agricultural metaphor in terms
she could understand. We went through the passage, verse by verse.
Awkward silence was in no short supply.
But when we got to verse 11, something changed.
“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. My
command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
I was ready to move on when Ritsuko put her delicate hand on mine.
“This is what you told me,” she said. “You have joy because this Jesus give to
you. So you be happy and love people. Yes?”
“Yes,” I said.
We kept reading.
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my
friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not
know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I
learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
I told her how Jesus laid down his life by dying on the cross. That we all miss the mark, that I
miss the mark, and sin, which separates us from God. I told her how God loved us so much that
He didn’t want us to be separated from Him forever, so He sent His son to pay the price of our
sins. That His love forgives us, we just have to accept the free gift.
Ritsuko looked at the thin pages splayed on my lap. I watched as her eyes scanned the blue
ballpoint pen markings. She reached out a slender finger and placed it on one word.
Friend.
“This say I can be Jesus friend? This say he love me like he love you?”She looked up and her eyes were bright. Shining with curiosity. Hope.
Awake with Wonder.I wish I could tell you that in the weeks that followed I watched Ritsuko pass the WPE
and receive her college degree.
Even more, I wish I could tell you that I watched her pass from death to life and
receive the forgiving love of Christ.
But that’s not how the rest of the semester unfolded.
We continued our tutoring and had a few more conversations about God. We met at Starbucks
once and read the Word again. I invited her to church; she said she would come but never
showed up. Then slowly she started to miss our weekly appointments, and eventually racked up
so many unexcused absences that the tutoring center had to remove her from their roster.
More than a decade later, I still wonder what ever happened to dear Ritsuko. Perhaps her
husband was not supportive of her new found intrigue in “American religion” and discouraged
her from further exploration. But that’s only speculation…
What I do know is that I grew to love Ritsuko.
And I am forever grateful for the gift of being present the very first time she experienced
the wonder of the Word.