Somewhere stuffed in a dusty box lurks a photo of five-year-old me in my favorite red
sweatsuit, gloriously appliqued with a colorful lion and tiger and bear. Oh, my!
If this fashion-
disaster relic was ever uncovered, you’d see a freckled-nose girl with raggedy light brown
pigtails and a gap-toothed smile. But the crowing jewel of this masterpiece? Spindly
white ankles and wrists poking out awkwardly from the thick crimson fabric — the
tragic result of a treasured outfit two sizes too small.
But I loved it. And insisted on wearing it. All the time.
I haven’t seen this picture in decades but the details are still vivid, just like the familiar
feeling that propelled my stubborn clothes-clinging: I don’t like change.
My mother can attest to this.
When I was a kid she decided to paint the family room a warm, inviting buttercup; I
came undone. She rearranged the furniture; I protested and fussed. Even though
I could acknowledge that these non-life-threatening changes were actually beneficial
— improvements — I still wanted it back the way it was.
A desperate need for everything to stay the same. Not
change.As an adult I no longer pout or whine the same way over change, but my deep inner
resistance to it remains. Like it’s hard wired in me.
When I was working as an editor and up for a laptop refresh, I naturally jumped at the
opportunity to exchange my brick-like PC for its light and sleek Mac counterpart.
But as soon as my fingers hit those unfamiliar feeling keys and my email looked
different and Word didn’t interface quite the same, I was shrieking inside, What have
I done? Give me that old black brick back!
This past winter we moved to a slightly larger house, an answer to two years of
prayers and searching. Our new place had an extra bedroom and wide open living
space. I loved the u-shape driveway where our boys could scooter and bike in the
safety of the quiet neighborhood cul-de-sac.
But almost as soon as the last box was hauled off the truck, my excitement began
to retreat and I just wanted our old address back.
No, I didn’t want to go back to piling our family of five into two crowded bedrooms
or to the dishwasher that leaked a few liters every cycle. No, I didn’t want to trade
my spacious new shower for the cramped quarters we use to share or give up my
luxuriously large linen closets.
But something about change, even though welcomed, upped my anxiety by about
23 notches.
Not having set systems for storing and organizing things. Needing to figure out
which wall art looks best where. Finding new homes for everything we own. All
part of the change process that I wish I could forever fast forward and just skip
to the settled in, this-is-my-new-normal-that-now-I-don’t-want-changed phase.
Clearly this is a pattern in my life. An unpleasant quirk I know about myself and
work to conquer manage.
So when I started the process of building this new blog, I braced myself for the
ugly inner resistance sure to take place.
I was ready to talk myself off the ledge when the discomfort of moving from the
blog I have known and loved for more than four years to a new platform, format,
online space became too taxing. I knew that this was the right change at the
right time for me to make, so I was geared up to pacify my inner change naysayer
for the sake of completing the task.
But you know what?
For once, change came easy. This new website has been months in the making and even while traversing these foreign
roads of WordPress widgets, plugins, HTML code, and design, I never once said, “I want to
go back.”
Not every step was without frustration and I didn’t love every learning-curve moment, but I
did embrace this change in a whole new way.
Want to know why?
Friends, it’s because I am SO excited to welcome YOU into this space!
I have waited for, prayed for a new online home for over a year. It’s like Christmas morning
for my writer’s heart. It’s a God gift to me and I hope a gift to you as well.
Not only do I want you like the pretty package and curly ribbons, I pray you unwrap beautiful
treasures of me-too encouragement, grace-laced Truth, and authentic community.
I don’t know exactly where this new journey will take me, but I’ve already packed my “Yes” and
the changing landscape ahead couldn’t look more inviting.