Sometimes there are just no words for the things kids do.
Like the time my son was potty training and dumped my contact lenses into his tiny plastic toilet
full of pee.
Swish swish. Swish swish.
Or the time he was “cleaning” the big toilet…with my hairbrush.
Swish swish.
Or when we had to put a lock on the refrigerator to keep two toddlers from drinking my coffee
creamer straight from the bottle, but the one who is freakishly strong pulled with all his three
year old might and broke the lock, which I didn’t realize until I heard his brother crying and
rushed into the kitchen, my mouth still foaming with toothpaste (note: mothers of boys, it may
never be safe to brush your teeth), and found the two year old splayed out on the floor in a
sticky white puddle rubbing a big red bump on his forehead.
Slip.
“
Mommy, I did not drink your coffee creamer,” they both wined.
Yeah, sure you didn’t.
Classic moments, no doubt.
But I’ll never forget the night I was tucking my oldest into bed. He must have been three at the
time (yep, it was in the coffee-creamer-drinking days.) I had rubbed his back and sung him
songs. Prayed and cuddled and whispered sweet dreams. I had pulled up the covers and
smoothed out the sheets, just the way he liked. Nightlight, check. Noise machine, check. Final
hugs and forehead kisses. Check, check.
I was easing my weight off the edge of his bed, sure that my little guy was almost drifting
off to sleep, when he suddenly said:
“Mommy, I did not put a yogurt in my closet.”
“What, Noah?” I asked.
“Yeah, Mommy, I didn’t put a yogurt in my closet.”
Yogurt hadn’t even been mentioned. Or the closet. I had no idea what this kid was talking about.
His voice was sure and I could see a glimmer of proud resolution on his dimly lit face.
Then my mommy radar kicked in. Oh, I had an idea.
“So you’re telling me, if I check the closet there will not be a yogurt in there?”
He bolted straight up.
“NOooooooo! DON’T OPEN THE CLOSET!!”
His confidence had vanished. Now he clung to my arm, sputtering and stuttering his pleas for
me not to look in that closet.
I pried my limb out of his vice grip and walked across the room, flicked on the light, and slid open
the mirrored door. There, nestled near the back of the center toy cubby between a tub of
blocks and the monkey jack-in-the-box, was a banana flavored Yo-Baby yogurt.
I held up the evidence and asked the question we both already knew the answer to.
“Noah, did you put this yogurt in the closet?”
He hung his head in nodding admission and I hid my smile beneath stern words of reproof
and long hugs of forgiveness.
* * *
Oh, I am so much like my boy.
I rarely pause long enough or introspect deep enough to uncover it, but when I do, I find so
many of my own, “I did not put yogurt in my closet” admissions. However, mine are not
contorted confessions to my mother. They are twisted truth tellings to my God.
For me it may sound like, “Lord, I am not clinging to my pride” or “I am so over my battle
with perfectionism” or “God, I’m glad I’m way past my people pleasing days.”
The Father kindly listens to my words, but the message He hears is clear: “I did not put a yogurt
in my closet.” Which is of course means I did.
And the evidence is as clear as the creamy white drips on my kitchen floor and the spoiling dairy
hiding with the toys. Pretend as I may, it’s there.
God sees the disappointment in my heart over a blog not read or comments not left. He hears
the loops of internal recordings I play to myself that I’m not measuring up. He knows that while
my heart longs to live for an audience of one, some days I order my steps in order to win the
approval of others.
In other words, He sees my yogurt.
Because there are no closet doors that can conceal my sin from God.And I praise Him for it!
Noah wants to be a good boy, so much so that he ratted himself out. Likewise, it is my deepest
desire to live a full and free life in Christ. I don’t actually want to hide anything from Him.
So as a caring Father would do, God graciously peels back the layers of my pretense, forgives
my false testimony and flaws, and leads me in His ways of truth and grace.
A life of redeeming love.