My boys were operating out of their usual crazy chaos this morning.
Bouncing from room to room, cars playing, spaceship making, brother battling, pillow fight
fighting. The noise was escalating to an intolerable volume, but I ignored the happy (ear
piercing) racket because I was immersed in my own parallel chaos.
I whirled from room to room like a Tasmanian devil mama, not searching for food for her
precious brood, but searching for a precious book. I checked every cabinet and cupboard,
drawer and nook. Its hiding powers overpowered me.
I crumbled on the couch in a defeated heap.It was nowhere to be found.
The book that I planned to review today, the one I couldn’t wait to tell you about, the one that
God used over a decade ago to first awaken my heart to the infinite ways he reveals his
wonders, the one with the black cover and bright colored window that I can see clear as light in
my mind’s eye—that is the missing book.
So again my writing plan goes awry.I huff and complain a little to myself (to God?) that all my hunting should be rewarded with a
little finding. But I resign. And go about my day.
I prepare chili for the crockpot so my crew will have a hearty meal to feast on come dinnertime.
I clean up pee before someone slips on the slick pool left by the littlest who has a new objection
to clothes and diapers. I marvel over Lincoln Log forts and put each boy on at least two time
outs for not treating one another kindly or using screams instead of words.
Lunch is served and toys are cleaned up and I hold out hope that my mama brain is somehow
suppressing the vital information of where this book is hiding and that once the blessed hour of
nap time comes I’ll be able to think and retrieve the treasured words in the calm and quiet.
Jude, the smallest, gets put down first.
He wants to play peekaboo with his yellow fishy blankie and asks for “one more song” three
times. I lovingly oblige but firmly tell him “last one” on the final tune. We rock and sing.
I put him in his crib, expecting joyful compliance, but instead I get a back-arching, soul-
screeching, full-blown toddler tantrum.
I tell him goodnight and turn out the light. The screams only escalate.
A few minutes pass and I go back in. I expect myself to provide calm and strong discipline, but
instead I give way to an ugly adult-tantrum.
I yell at my sweet boy.He crumples in my arms, too overcome to mutter his “I’m sorry.”
I whisper mine to him, to Jesus, again and again. With aching heart my auto-response kicks in
and I start to sing the last song in my lullaby repertoire.
The words start out,
You are good, You are good, When there’s nothing good in me You are love, You are love, On display for all to see
As my mouth sings these words, my spirit questions,
Why are you so distracted by sharing about wonder the way you want, instead of
experiencing the wonder right in front of you?
Instead of raging over Jude encroaching on “your” time, could you relish your time with
him?
Could you savor his ridiculously cute two-year-old voice that squeaks out every lyric in
unison as you sing?
Could you gaze at his impish grin longer? Show more patience and grace through an
unrushed embrace?
Perhaps this is the wonder God wants me to ponder. before me. The window of His love, always being enough, even in my messy mom moments.
The riches of His love
Will always be enough.…Nothing more wonder-full can I imagine.