I first started reading the book almost two years ago.
It was Thanksgiving weekend and a friend graciously invited my family to use her gorgeous
waterfront home while they were away for the long weekend. My husband, three small sons and I
descended upon the magazine-worthy residence and basked in the comfort of a more-
luxurious-home away from home.
The fridge and pantry were stocked, clean sheets on the beds, an abundance of toys for our
little ones to play with. A beautiful gift basket waited for us on the lavish dining room table,
filled with sweet and salty snacks and a gift card to the fantastic fish place on the corner—yes,
our hosts were even treating us to dinner!
We were invited to use every perk and resource available.
Chris was thrilled to untie the white and tan Duffy boat from the dock and take the smooth
sailing vessel for a spin around the waterway block. We strapped life jackets on reluctant,
squirmy boys who soon squealed in delight over the salty breeze in their faces and eye spying
games of huge white seagulls.
After two nights of family fun, my husband lovingly took our 2 and 3 year olds home and let
me and the baby stay another night. Alone! (By the time you have three children, being with
just one who doesn’t talk or run or climb or need food cut up in small bites actually feels like
a glorious gift of near solitude.)
During the first part of my quiet day I enjoyed wandering around my friend’s house, admiring the
opulent autumn decor, taking in the beautiful marine view. I made a specialty cup of coffee and
heated a homemade, gluten free muffin, and sat on the back deck. Crisp November air nipped at my
nose. Toes curled cozy warm under the world’s softest throw.
I was happy. My heart was full.Later that night after Jude was nursed and burped, diapered, jammied, and contentedly in bed, I
descended the long staircase, ignited the gas on the huge stone fireplace, and snuggled into the
supple leather sofa with a sizable stack of books.
One by one I opened the cover of each novel or Christian living prescription I had been waiting to read.
And in succession I closed each one. Just. not. feeling. it. That night even the Bible felt flat and dry.
The house was quiet save for the gentle click and flicker of flames. My baby was peacefully asleep.
But now my heart was neither quiet or at peace.
I felt this tightening in my chest. Icky. Aching. Restless. Racing.I got up and grabbed the book off a shelf that had caught my eye several times throughout the day.
(I actually had a copy of it in my desk drawer at home that another friend passed on to me several
months before.)
One last ditch effort at a satisfying night of reading.
I glanced at the pair of delicate blue bird eggs, the scrawled title, and opened
One Thousand Gifts.
This time I couldn’t put it down.
But just six pages in the breaks of my soul slammed to screeching stop.I read and reread the words slow and sober.
Satan’s sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of ingratitude. Adam and Eve are, simply,
painfully, ungrateful for what God gave.
Isn’t this the catalyst of all my sins?
Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren’t satisfied in God and what He gives.
We hunger for something more, something other.
It was like someone had stuck fireplace bellows in my mouth, but instead of pushing a burst of air
in, all my breath was sucked right out.
In my physical breathlessness I knew exactly where my spiritual restlessness was coming from:
Ingratitude.
It had been slowly creeping in all day, like an invisible serpent slithering up my leg then striking at
my heart.
The joy I first felt from spending blessed time in my friend’s lovely house was slowly being snuffed out
by my growing jealousy.
The huge walk-in closet stocked with fashionable threads. The children’s art supplies delightfully displayed
in open mason jars. The attention to every decorating detail—every accent pillow providing the perfect
pop of color, every bookshelf visually pleasing and stacked with titles I wish I was reading.
Yes, I had allowed jealousy to take joy’s place—not enough room in one heart for both.And without intentional thought, I also started to equate every picturesque thing seen with every assumed
blessing unseen. Perfect home accessories somehow mind morphed into meaning the perfect job and
ministry, perfect marriage, perfect kids, all perfectly thriving while I felt like I was barely surviving.
All of her presumed everythings made me feel like a whole lot of nothing.I didn’t even realize it was happening until I read Ann’s words.
How could I be so selfish? How could I fall into the pit of comparison so quickly? How could I allow all
the beautiful blessings my friend had received make me forget all that God had given me?
I closed the book, closed my eyes, and opened my heart in repentance.
* * * * *
I don’t know if it was just the crazy chaos of life at home with three boys three and under or if it was my lack
of discipline or a self care oversight…or if maybe it just wasn’t yet the right season in my heart…whatever
the reason, I let the blue egg book stay tucked in my desk drawer for several more months.
I did start scratching phrases of thanks on random pieces of paper and scribbling bits of gratitude lists in
mostly neglected journals. But despite the deeply moving experience I had that November night on the
harbor-side couch, I never finished One Thousand Gifts.
Until the following July when the Spirit said that it was time.
I started again from the beginning. And again it was the same words about the world’s first sin that stopped me.
the sin of ingratitude… painfully ungrateful for what God gave…
we aren’t satisfied in God and what He gives…I recorded the passage in my journal and thought about the weekend I first read it.
Then as fast as my pen would write I inked this confession, reflection, God-change-me
petition.
July 14, 2013
Yes, me, too. I justify my sin of ingratitude by calling it discontentment or reasoning that I deserve
something different or by comparing my perceived lack to someone else’s plenty, my weakness to
someone else’s strength.
I say I just want good things for my family—they deserve the best!—a better mom, a better wife,
better house, better things.
But really I’m telling God that what He’s given is NOT good.
I’m so often ungrateful. Painfully ungrateful.
Lord, please forgive my sin of ingratitude. Please grow in me a grateful heart. Please grow eyes that
see all your gifts and train my lips to give you the praise and thanks YOU deserve.
I deserve nothing. You, everything.
Grow joy in me for your everything.
Amen.
Friends, I marvel at these words that poured from my heart just 15 months ago. Not because they are
poetic or profound, but because God has answered my prayer profusely!
The daily practice of giving thanks has transformed my life.I see His grace and beauty everywhere.