Dear Oldest Son, I don’t want to forget anything about the gift of you being six. The way you
write I’m sorry notes to Daddy after you make a bad choice. The way you swing your heart out,
knocking tennis balls over the roof and out of our front-yard ball park.The way you build epic
Lego ships, devour food like you’re already a teenager, and solve dinner-table math problems
like a number wiz. You are the best couch cuddler, vegetable eater, and Noah Christopher I
could ever ask for.
I love being your mama. I’m so proud of you. I will always love you.
* * *
Dear Middle Son of Mine,
I don’t want to forget the way you scooter up and down the driveway in your blue shark helmet
until your cheeks are pink as roses and your neck as salty as your favorite Fritos. I don’t want to
forget the way you insist on sleeping in just your superhero chonies and how you’re convinced
if you keep digging you’ll find that backyard buried treasure.
I don’t want to forget the way you say mowlawner
when you really mean lawnmower
or the
way you whisper-shout “I love you”
in my ear ’till I can’t stand the tickle. I don’t want to forget a
single freckle or chin dimple.
Dearest Middle Son, I don’t want to forget the way encouragement spills from your four-year-
old heart. The way you cheer, “You can do it, Daddy!”
as he jogs up hill, and “Good job, Noah,” as
he places the last puzzle piece, and “Keep trying, Buddy,”
as the little one sits on his Mickey
potty.
I don’t want to forget how you always volunteer to pray at dinner and say thank you
for your
Trader Joe’s stickers. How you promise to always defend the Princess and are the first to share
your snacks. You have the most sparkly eyes and tender heart of any Elias Michael the world
over.
I love being your mama. I’m so proud of you. I will always love you.
* * *
Dear Youngest Son of Mine,
I don’t want to forget the way you nuzzle in the crook of my neck and say, face buried, “Mommy,
I love your nook.”
I don’t want to forget the way you run joyful abandon, bounce in your step
without looking back.
I don’t want to forget the way you call me Flower and Daddy Stinky, or the way one curl falls in
the middle of your forehead. I don’t want to forget how you take my hand and lead me away
from dirty dishes to a living room picnic. How you lovingly wrap your brown bunny in a blanket
and put him down for a nap.
Dear Youngest Son, I don’t want to forget the way you beg me to tickle you with kisses and then
laugh your two-year-old cackle loud and long before gasping for breath and asking for more.
I don’t want to forget how you melt into my chest as we rock before bed, how you always
request “Angels We Have Heard on High” even though it’s almost summer, chime in every third
word, and at the end proclaim, “We sing it together!” You are the sweetest, silliest, most fun
Jude Patrick there ever was.
I love being your mama. I’m so proud of you. I will always love you.
* * *
Oh, Dear Sons of Mine,
I’m writing this because some days I do
forget.Some days I forget it all.
Some days I let the struggles trump the beauty. I let the stresses drown out the blessings.Some days I forget every sweet, “I love you, Mommy”
because all I hear are brothers bickering.
Some days I forget to give thanks for your curious questions and tender smiles because there’s
a barrage of complaints, non-stop needs, and grumbles of ingratitude.
Today is one of those forgetting days.
I gotta be honest, precious sons, some days all I see is the sea of unsorted Legos strewn across
my dining room table and the mountains of laundry erupting like volcanoes in the corner of
every bedroom.
Some days all I hear is the soul-piercing, blood-curdling decibel of your No way, Not fair,
and It’s mine! shrieks and whines.
(I didn’t really know what the expressions “On my last
nerve”
and “My nerves
are shot”
meant until I experienced their RE-AL-I-TY as your mother.)
Some days I just want to curl up in a ball and cry because the bathroom still smells like a truck
stop even after I scrub IN, UNDER, and AROUND the toilet with half a bottle of Fabuloso for
more than half an hour.
Yes, today is one of those days.
But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
I don’t have to fixate on the sibling wars or battle cries, the urine stench (please tell me one day
you’ll learn how to aim!) or endless How come’s? and Why’s?
I don’t have to focus on the number of times you blatantly disobey, pick your boogers, or
belch at the table. My dirty clothes woes don’t have to be the definition of my days.
We’re one flawed mama and three tiny testosteronies doing life together under a single
suburban roof.
The struggles are real.
The messes, missed marks, falterings, and failures are part oflife. Part of you and part of
me.
But they do not have to define us if we let them refine us.
No doubt I’m praying you won’t only remember the way I huff in frustration, use “that tone,” or
refuse to listen when you’re talking. No, I don’t want you to remember the phone in my hand as
the first thing you see or “Just a sec!” as the first thing you hear.
There are plenty of poor choices to go around.
You are great boys with a few bad habits. And I’m a good mom with some bad habits of my own.
Let’s own up, but not let them own us.
The only thing I want to be owned by is the JOY of being your mom.
The PRIVILEGE of
raising three fine young gentlemen. The DELIGHT of having a front row seat to God’s daily
miracle of growing bodies, spirits, minds.
The one thing I must not forget is the GIFT of each of you, my Noah, my Elias, my Jude.
And the best way I know to remember the good is to be owned by GRATITUDE.
Today and every some day.